I was approaching middle age when my husband passed away. Several months later I found myself struggling with my sexuality like I never had before. What had been a beautiful part of married life was no more. I became almost obsessed with thoughts of sex. I had to learn how to handle these thoughts.
Knowing God made us with sexual desires and that what He made is good helped me to not feel guilty for having those desires. I realized it is what we do with them which determines whether they fulfill God’s purposes, or whether they lead into sin. Realizing this helped me to put things into perspective.
I finally learned I had to keep a tight rein on my thought life and not permit myself to indulge in sexual fantasy. It is a whole lot easier to turn away the first thought than to get rid of them after I have indulged in them for awhile.
I discovered that what I feed my mind is essential in this battle. I don’t own a television, but reading is one of my hobbies. I had to learn to be careful about what I read, especially during certain times of the month. Anything that made it easy to fantasize about sex gave me problems. I found I even needed to avoid some Christian novels if they focused too heavily on romantic relationships.
The turning point was when I finally decided to make myself accountable to the ladies in my small prayer group. They were very understanding and this accountability helped me to gain control of this area of my life. I knew that I could not keep my mind pure if I continued to indulge in it.
When my husband died, I had determined that I would not indulge in self pity. Some years later I was having more difficulty than usual in missing the sexual part of marriage until I realized that the source of my struggle was self pity rearing its ugly head.
There were times when I desperately missed a husband’s companionship, and there was nowhere to go with it, except to the Lord. He somehow filled that emptiness with Himself in a way I had never experienced before. He became much more real to me. I would not take anything in exchange for the personal relationship I now have with the Lord, born out of my struggle.
But put ye on the Lord Jesus Christ, and make not provision for the flesh, to fulfill the lusts thereof. (Romans 13:14)
Walk in the Spirit, and ye shall not fulfill the lusts of the flesh. (Galatians 5:16)