Introductions

[Journo]

Kia Ora! Bonjour! Blessings to all!
I am a new member - but I have been single for over half of the time I have lived in New Zealand. Nine years, last Wednesday, when I came to these foreign shores.
Originally from Canada and I came here following my heart which was pulled....by strings ir not ropes here.
I have learned a lot in my life. Being in a relationship with someone is not everything. Being alone is not everything.

And frankly, even when you are in a relationship with God - there are 'things' he cannot provide - like a phyical hug when you are so in that dark place.

We are all provided with many good things by God. 

I find I hunger for simple touches when I am outside of a relationship. I am glad tho to have found friends within the Church I attend who know this and ensure they give me hugs.

So - me, myself and I, the three of us, live in small town NZ and I am gainfully employed in a job I am passionate about and I am learning to find a balance in my life....allowing people in and fun times with my friends.

Its been a long haul for me.....but God provides opportunities.

blesssings to all

[Daniela]

Oh how I can relate to some of the previous posters! Stacey, I've thought similarly as to why the Lord doesn't remove my desire to get married if He wants me to remain single. I'm 38 and am still waiting for that special someone. But will he ever come into my life? I know, it's only the Lord who can give us ultimate fulfillment and contentment in life, and not even the best husband ever. But what do we do with our desires? Yes, take them to the Lord and let Him fill the gap. However, there are still unmet needs, like Journo mentioned. God cannot give us the physical touch and closeness that we are hungering for.

I really appreciate all the comforting posts of those who have somehow "turned the corner" in their desires for a mate and apparently have found true contentment in their singleness. I don't want to say I'm totally unhappy. The Lord has indeed been blessing me with many opportunities so far, yet there is a component missing in my life that I've never experienced and that I'm longing for very much. Of course, if Jesus came back tomorrow, I wouldn't be asked whether I was married here in earth, but rather how I have invested my time,  talents and treasures for the glory of God's Kingdom. So I'd better get really busy for the Lord! Yet, there are still some questions I feel no human being can answer for me. What about the scripture where it says "Rejoice in the wife of your youth"? Well, if I ever get married, I will definitely not the wife of my husband's youth! But maybe this verse just doesn't apply to everybody.

Anyway, I don't want to appear discouraged. I still believe in the Lord's perfect plan and timing, and I'm sure one day I will understand His leading, but this doesn't change the fact that I sometimes really don't know what to do with all my longings and desires for a godly spouse.

[Johnny1979]

Hi everyone--

I've been posting on and off for some time.  I am past 40 (don't want to reveal my actual age), and still single.   Sometimes it bothers me, especially on holidays like New Year's Eve, Christmas and the (dreaded) upcoming Valentine's Day.   Or, if I'm struggling with things like car trouble or finances: it would be nice to have a man around to help.

I especially wanted to address kwmechelle--THANK YOU for your honesty.   You don't need to apologize for saying what's in your heart; I wish a lot of Christian singles could be that blunt about not liking their singleness!   I think that, too many times, well-meaning Christians cause pain by telling those like you that "Jesus is all you need", or that "You need to be satisfied first with God", or some other similar thing.   I believe that God loves honesty, even if it's blunt; it's not trying to 'spiritualize' the pain.  I do understand the way you feel, kwmechelle.  I hope that you have others in your circle that you can 'vent and bleed' with.   If not, please feel free to email me at joshuasfan@myway.com.

Only_The_Lonely

[oasis]

Hi.  I found this place after doing a web search.  I'm here because I really need some help. 

I'm a 28 year old woman and I'm in a situation which means I will have to stay single for a very long time and maybe my whole life.  I'm struggling very much at the moment.  I'm having thoughts about suicide. 

I don't feel like I can post about my feelings so publicly yet, but I need help.  Would anyone be willing to talk?   I don't have anywhere else to go. 

[Rx]

Would anyone be willing to talk? 

  I suspect almost anyone here would be willing. My guess is if you see someone who you feel is posting wise responses that make sense to you, that you should "Private** Message" them from the  "messages" link, at the top of the page when you are logged in,  and see if they would chat back and forth.

**PM me if you like.

I may LOOK frightening, but rumor has it that I still have two ears,
and a little somthing in between.

Some folk may not have a huge pile of spare time, but I know most of the regular posters here wouldn't want to see you in distress.

       ...those who hope in the LORD
       will renew their strength.
       They will soar on wings like eagles;
       they will run and not grow weary,
       they will walk and not be faint.

[criska]

Hello everyone!! just a newbie here... And I should say "I love this site..." Hope to meet a lot of new brothers and sisters in Christ... Btw, I am Criska, I am now 25 years old (just turned 25 last July 20) ^____^ take care everyone and God bless!!!  - Prov.3:5-6

[Johnny1979]

hey Romans614 i like your post im soon to be divorced myself and Im not dealing well with singleness I have a person in my life that im talking to now and we get along great for now. I know what thebible says but my wife has a bf and now i have a gf. I can not go on being celibate i have had numerous fights with my family and with God. I have come to terms that Im going to HELL. I can nolonger under him. His command to be single till the day i die due the binding convenant of marriage is killing me plus no one in the church really belives it anymore. Plus being with this new woman keeps me from being angry bitter and spiteful. I am acrtually loving to be alive a little more these days not regretting getting marriwed at 23 with not a penny to my name. But Romans614 how do u do being single what is your secret?

[ThyWillBeDone]

Hi Shake,

I've noticed that whenever the devil fills my mind with thoughts of the past, its always to bring me a sense of condemnation or regret--nothing productive that keeps me moving forward in Jesus. He may also even keep me focused on things I've done well in the past, but with the purpose of planting a root of pride and preventing me from keeping my eyes on where Jesus is currently leading. 

By comparison, if the Holy Spirit causes me to focus on my past for any length of time (usually very short), it is to teach me something about how I've gotten where I have by His grace, to remind me of a lesson learned, or to encourage me regarding His faithfulness. The Holy Spirit's prompting for me to look backwards NEVER causes confusion, worry or other negative emotions. It also never keeps my focus looking backwards for long.


      "But Jesus said to him, “No one, having put his hand to the plow, and looking back, is fit for the kingdom of God.”--Luke 9:61


Scripture teaches that anyone who continues looking backwards is not being made fir for God's Kingdom, so we want to be certain not to fall into that pattern. Instead bring your every thought captive to obedience to Christ by renewing your mind continually with God's Word. In it, you'll see reassurances that your times are in God's Hands, that He takes care of your needs even in difficult times, that He liberally gives wisdom when asked, and that He orders your steps.

Scripture also tells us to focus on our present and what God is calling us to do or working out in our lives NOW. It's counterrpoductive to our walks to be preoccupied with either the past or the future. The past has already occured and we can't change the future by worrying. We can prepare for our future as od leads and directs, but should never become preoccupied by what God has not yet revealed to us. Keeping our eyes focused on Jesus (through private worship and prayer) and our minds nourished by God's Word brings insight, direction and inner peace.

Love,
Wendie

Great post Wendie.   I 2nd that.

Reminds me of one of my favorite passages when I'm feeling down
"Therefore we also, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, (read Hebrews 12) let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which so easily ensnares us, and  let us run with endurance the race that is set before us ,  (I have in my notes: "THE CHRISTIAN LIFE IS NOT A SPRINT!!!
It's a MARATHON!!!")
2 looking unto Jesus, the author and finisher of our faith, who for the joy that was set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.
3 For consider Him who endured such hostility from sinners against Himself, lest you become weary and discouraged in your souls.
[Hebrews 12]

[Johnny1979]

Well I
 Johnny married at 23 now separated at 31 soon to be divorced. I regret being married. I was someone who used her traumatic child hood as a crutch to act like a fool. In rage and bittterness I cheatd on her repeated for spite to teach a lesson. It only back fired and she is a adulteress on her way to help snce marriage is an unbreakable convenant and death can,only severe u from your marriage partner. Cheers by for now.   

[princess]

I wanted to post to this site and allow my heart to bleed for a second- since we've been invited to share our struggles and joys in singleness. I know that I am a believer and have been so for some time. Once I used to walk with the Lord. But I haven't walked with him for some time- about two years because He never answered my prayer about my singleness. I'm 31 years old and feel that I will never get married. As an attractive woman I actually meet men all the time who show interest in me. But since they are non believers, I don't date them because they are not permissble. unlike many of you on this site, my struggle with singleness has gotten so bad that I often think about suicide.

If I were to commit suicide then I wouldn't have to suffer through singleness anymore. I wouldn't have to live the rest of my life with hopes shatterred and dreams crushed. And for me, that is what singleness is...a curse. Something given to some who desire marriage. I know that my words are sinful, and I haven't walked with the Lord in such a long time. I've gone from angry, bitter, resentful, to hurt, to all four at the same time. And I am hurt. I prayed for so long.

I must confess that I don't even desire the Lord anymore and I struggle to understand how I'm to give my heart to the one who hurt it, who destroyed dreams, who doesn't answer prayer, as if I'm ok with it. As if He's still good. Truth is I no longer believe that He is good. I believe that God is good sometimes but not all the time. And that everything that He wills for us is not always good. And if singleness is His best for me- then I prefer death- even death at my own hands.

I don't mean to be offensive. And I realize that I am in sin. I just wanted to be brutally honest and to let my heart bleed. To not pretend that I am ok with a God who shatters my deepest dreams and calls me to love him anyway as if it never even mattered to me. As if my own feelings don't matter. My feelings matter too.

Singleness hurts and most times I wish that I were dead so I wouldn't have to hurt like this anymore. And I struggle not to take my own life. 

-Hurt

Hello KWMICHELLE,
I can't say that I have gotten that down in my singleness. But I am 26, and my grandmother whom i love dearly has been on my case for years, which doesn't help my struggles. But, i do understand where you are coming from. But if you are lonely, the only cure for loneliness is hanging around other people. We have to daily and i mean DAILY renew our minds. I used to believe God was not good, and i had likened Him to a freckled little boy Who had us in an ant farm and shook us whenever He felt like it. Foolishness! But i just began to believe He wasn't a caring or loving for that matter God. It had been seven years since i had been even near a church, which was crazy because i had always been involved in church since a little girl. But i had gotten so far away from Him, i felt He wasn't anawering my prayers, so why bother! I didn't need Him, and He doesn't care! I had decided to become a scientologist, and that was it. But He is so good, He saved me from all that and I thank Him for His goodness. Listen, only God knows why we're still single. And the world is corrupt. Tv, books, movies. . . .that stuff isn't real. It's make-belive. Ppl sat around and wrote that stuff for a profit. Don't believe the hype. Marraige is HARD WORK. No i do not speak from experiance, but i am very observant, and have been blessed to be brought by God to a church that tells the truth, whose pastors aren't ashamed or afraid to be transperant. And marraige is NO JOKE. You want to be married. Have you allowed God to prepare you? Because that is what this time is for; discovering who you truly are in Christ, and chasing after the things of God. Find others that are single in Christ, and because you are lacking the joy of the Lord, make sure these ppl HAVE joy so you can benefit from them. Ask God to show you who these people are so you can no longer be lonely. Loneliness has nothing to do with being single, which i have been learning THANK GOD! Singleness is not a curse, love. It is an awesome time where we can be free to grow in God. Marriage and singleness are only a change of seasons. Check out Dr. Myles Munroe's book Single, Married, Seperated and Divorced. And trust that God IS GOOD, no matter how down you are feeling. It won't always be this way, God loves you, and I'm praying for you sis!