Introductions

[marsbike]

It's about equally inaccurate to apply it to any individual person, male or female.  Now, men might be a bit more comfortable being called "sons", which definitely does apply to the individual, rather than to the Church.

A couple of my friends who grew up speaking languages other than English (in these particular cases, Latvian and Tamil) tell me that this sort of gender thing is very much an English-speaker's hangup anyway.

[Bliss]

hello, i'm bliss.

i found this forum by accident and so far i like it...i am a "youngling" compared to some, but i realized long ago that i am likely to be flying solo for quite some time. i have never been in any real relationship (a story all on its own) and am at the point where friends and acquaintances are marrying fairly quickly--i have about four weddings to attend this year and counting. because of this i am becoming very aware of the ostracizing that occurs within the church when it comes to those without a significant other. coupled with my budding career, i think on the outside i just seem like one of those stereotypical, self-absorbed career women, but that isn't true--i've just never met a boaz.

semi-long story short, i will probably remain a lurker for the time being. i simply want to learn from others in my shoes. feel free to talk to me or send questions.

God bless,
bliss.

[Fern]

Welcome Bliss!

I hope you become more than a lurker, as we have plenty of those here and need more posters!

Either way, I hope this site continues to be a blessing and encouragement to you.

[KingDavidRetired]

Hi. 

I actually have a girlfriend that I want to marry and of who wants to marry me.  We have become good friends, we enjoy the company of each other and very much love each other.  It is though, that she has been married and is now divorced.  Being that I am planning to go through the Right of Catholic Initiation for Adults (RICA) in October, and am hoping to officially become a Catholic next Easter, it is something that the Catholic Church does not accept that  someone who has been married to marry again.  Except when a previous marriage has reason that it can be annulled, someone cannot marry someone who has previously been married, either.  Unless we can find a reason for her previous marriage to be annulled, we will not be able to marry without the two of us committing adultery.  This is something considered by both Christ and the Catholic Church.  It is that I have finally found someone I love and wish to marry, and we might not be able to do so.

It is from my perspective that I would do what the Church has taught on the subject.  While I love this woman, I am not willing to forgo the commandments of the Lord and not to do fully and unequivocally what His teachings are.   This fact that I very well might not be able to marry her, and even in my desires for me to do so, it hurts very much thinking that there might not be reason that would allow us to annul her previous marriage.  It is that God takes marriage very seriously and  both of us will need to conform to the will of God.  It is though, my worldly desire to marry her.

How wonderful it is to love someone, though.  I can't imagine how it would be like to be with someone you love with all your heart in a marriage situation.  It is something I have wanted all my life and is something that may never come to fruition.  However, I realize that even though I wholeheartedly want to love someone in a marital situation, it is the point of this life and the purpose of the earthly life to know, love and serve God and to live and achieve eternal life in Heaven, not to live for this world.  A wife and all the good a marriage entails, is not something that is of an eternal nature.  I know that keeping myself from sin is more important than to anything temporal, even marriage.  Marriage is only temporal.  Adultery is most definitely a sin so all this must be if there is insufficient reason for an annulment.

With All the Love of God
David

[phoenix_cool]

Hello all, I am new to this forum and I am from Malaysia. I am 28 (have never dated in my entire life) and i do agree that being a single Christian is not easy especially when you see all your friends either got attached, engaged or married with children. I am very touched and encouraged by some of your sharing here. it makes me feel that I am not alone in this battle. though I know I have the Lord with me, it's so much easier when we have others to share this journey and burden with.

Just want to encourage all of you that our Lord is sovereign, He knows what is the best for us. though the waiting seems very long and tiring, let's soldier on as we know the Lord will not let us down.

God Bless

Phoenix

[Phebe]

HI to everyone on the forum!

A quick “thank you!” to those responsible for this site in the first place. I have had it bookmarked for quite some time, and have really appreciated the articles and forum discussions as a guest. What a refreshing and candid point of view – many thanks!

Let me introduce myself. I chose the username “Phebe” from Romans 16:1,2. Whether she was single or not, the Bible doesn’t say, but her testimony as a “servant in the church” and a “succourer of many” is a worthy goal to aim for, regardless of our current situation, isn’t it?

I am nearly thirty, and have never married. I have found myself at a particularly difficult crossroads in my life. I just ended a very serious relationship, one that was quickly heading towards marriage, and offered me absolutely everything that a girl could dream of, and more. So what am I doing posting on a forum on singleness then? Well, the peace of God definitely didn’t accompany this relationship, so it had to end. Simple, right? Haha - In theory, yes, but in practice, it has been heart-wrenching. First and foremost, I always told God that I wanted His perfect will in my life, and when He gave a “red light” in this situation, I had to accept it, even if that means singleness is scripted for my future. This past situation has been difficult, and the pain is still fresh from it all, even as I write this.

BUT…if I can put those naturally disappointed feelings aside for just a moment, I know that I do want to live a life of PURPOSEFUL singleness! That’s what has attracted me to this site from the beginning. It is not about getting together to try and find out what we are all doing wrong so that we can find “the ONE,” but finding a more purposeful relationship with THE ONE, Jesus Christ, and asking Him, “How do YOU want me to spend my life?”

So yes, I may be coming to this forum from a different point of view. Admittedly, being this close to marriage recently has actually made me want it more, whereas I had been fairly happy in my single state before this relationship. Almost all of my friends are now married, and my dearest friend is now a newlywed after several more years of singleness than I have experienced. I do not regret any decisions I have made, but it is easy to feel “left behind” emotionally, and I really want to be challenged to look ahead instead! So sometimes it is hard to find someone that can relate, and that is why I wanted to stop being a “guest” and jump into the forum. I think we all have a common goal and purpose: not marriage, but a purposeful single life, whether God brings a mate into our lives or not, whether we are having easy days or difficult ones.

Well, enough for a lengthy introduction, I’d say. Best wishes to you all from Canada!

Phebe

[Fern]

Welcome, Phebe! I appreciate your perspective of your singleness and of living a purposeful life for Christ no matter our status, marital or otherwise!

May God richly bless you as you live your life for Him!

[Fern]

Welcome too to KingDavidRetired and phoenix_cool!

[C_Ruth]

Greetings, Phebe,

You are right--living in God's will for us is the most blessed life to live, regardless of what its specific circumstances are.  God bless you as you continue to seek Him and His direction FIRST.

(From one who hasn't been in the exact shoes you are now, but who has been single quite a bit longer.)

[joyous]

I'm a bit embarrassed and ashamed to admit this, but I'm 51 years old.  I say that 'cuz I feel so immature.  I can't believe I'm that old - I don't feel that old. 

I go up & down with my feelings of being single.  I have never been married - never had a serious relationship with a man - only been on a few dates - have no friends that are male & very few female friends.  I'm the negative stereo-type of an old maid - I even have a cat! 

It seems the older I get the less friends I have & the less I have in common with the friends I do have (no children, no grandkids, etc.).  It seems friendships are based on the things you have in common mainly children or heartaches you share (an unfaithful spouse).

Right now being single is such an empty feeling.  As I posted earlier I just lost my mom.  Some people have said some very insensitive things lately.  I know I need to give them the benefit of the doubt & extend grace.  I feel like I'm kind-of numb to a lot of things people are saying.  Someone will tell me something and my sister will make a comment about how rude that person was to tell me I don't understand  things since I don't have my own children.  I'm thinking, "I didn't hear that from that person, but now I do feel bad for being too stupid to understand people's comments." 

Yesterday when the nurse came to check on my dad she did say something about it being easier for my sisters because they have their children and a life to distract them and make them less lonely - something to that effect.  The way I interpreted it was..."I do not count as a human being because I do not have any children or a husband.  I truly don't understand the pain of losing someone.  I'm pathtic because I'm old and have no one.  My sisters have a better life." 

On one hand I'm thinking, "Well, I'm not sure my sisters really have a personal relationship with Jesus.  They really don't acknowledge God as being the One to comfort them and give them peace during difficult times.  They don't rest in the fact when bad things happen God has a plan for our lives and very much in control of our lives and He'll use this "bad" thing for good.  So, actually I have it easier."  But then I have always felt incredibly stupid my whole entire life.  I'm thinking, "Maybe I'm too stupid to know how pathic I really am.  Or maybe I am just cold hearted - don't love anybody." 

Last night I came back to my house.  One good thing is I slept - really haven't slept in over two weeks.  When I'm at my parents I don't sleep - worrying about them.  Worrying I won't hear them.  One night recently I was sleeping in my mom's room with her.  I always hear her.  They had moved the oxygen machine into her room - it was so loud.  I didn't hear her get up until I heard her fall and her head hitting the dresser - a horrible sound.   But being at my house alone I have been so depressed all day.  Was gone 5 days and only one phone call - from the worship leader to let me know the power point presentation they did for my mom's funeral was ready to be picked up - no friends have called to see how I'm doing - not even on my cell phone.  Goes to prove I have no friends.

I know the Bible says that all things are possible with God.  Yes, anything is possible.  But God has given us a brain & common sense -  to be realistic I don't think marriage will ever be a part of my life.  I think I'm a huge caution sign to a man.  Being as old as I am, never having had a relationship he'll wonder what's wrong with me.  I wonder the same thing too.  There are times I do blame God, but it isn't His fault.  There are other times I think He is protecting me from heartache like when I see a friend's marriage break up.  I need to look at things from His perspective & remember sin has affected this world - in this world we'll have trials & tribulations - someday everything will make sense.  But to be honest I don't think I have anything to offer anyone.  All I can see is what I cannot do.  I honestly do not have any good qualities - would not know how to be a good wife or at one time a loving mom.

I look at how much my dad loved my mom - how heart broken he is.  I really believe in my heart nobody will really care when I am gone - let alone notice.  I can say that because my sisters are going off with their children and I'm left alone - they don't think to ask me what I'm doing.  I haven't heard from the people I thought were my friends.  I don't want to be alone when I'm really old, but the truth of the matter is I have always been alone - even as a child - my sisters were closer together in age.  There is an age gap between my sisters and me plus we don't share the heartache of broken marriages and have children the same ages.  That's another reason I feel immature - I haven't experienced life.

But I guess with marriage there are some days you love being married and other days you wish you did not have that responsibility.

Sorry this post is full of self-pity and negativity.  Like I said some days I'm okay with being single - unfortunately this isn't one of those days.

   

[Dutchy]

Hi Joyous,

Soooo sorry to hear about your problems! Sometimes life is really ugly, isn't it?

It's all only temporary, but still it can be very long.

Being single isn't easy for me either, especially not now.

One day, life will be better. God promised us this.

When, o when, o Lord?

I wish you all the best and all of God's Blessing for 2010, Joyous! May it be a better year for you than 2009.

Thanks for being here!

[sherryb]

New to this Web site. Glad to find encouragement for singles. Enjoy the honesty. God bless.

[Fern]

Welcome Sherry! Hope you feel free to jump into the discussions here and start some of your own.

[sherryb]

Thanks for the welcome, Fern. Hope you have a blessed Lord's day!

[Townhouse]

Kwmechelle, be enoouraged.  Im 51 and also have never even had a serious relationship.  I get fed up to the back teeth with ppl who tell me, "you're such a sweet guy, why are you still single?"  and such.  I've resigned myself to singleness.  At my age, it's too late to have kids and Im a very experienced uncle and great uncle.  I also get tired of ppl reminding me that being single and not being tied down gives me more freedom to do what I please and more ministry oppurtunities.  Though those two facts are comforting to a degree, the ppl who say them don't realize my circumstances, that which lies behind me tha'ts led me to this point in my life.  It does get really lonely at times, doesn't it?  Especially Valentine's Day! 

And as I'm sure you've discovered, as single ppl we have no one to fall back on if we get hurt or ill or experience a financial setback.    We have only me, myself and I. 

If you were much closer to my age, maybe we could go out  !