Reality for the Single Christian

[Rami]

After 12 years of being single after divorce, I have been through many stages with dealing , coping with all the realities of being a single parent, and dealing with having no intimate companion.One never knows how long certain season will be, and I used  think that any minute God was going to bring someone appropriate and appealing my way, After 12 years , I finally made my peace with the fact God is God - ruler of the universe and of the seasons in my life, and that we have very differant time tables . I accepted not knowing.

 I have struggled and sought answers from the scriptures, mature Christians, and friends, about the issue of sex. I don't know if there are any firm answer, I have sought the help of setting the captive free for my obsessions, and know God is enough- I know this by faith, regardless of what my body is telling me.

I want to know if anyone out there has any helpful hints about what to do about natural sexual desire- it can be
outrageously  fierce, and although I do not know for certain if I ever will re- marry( who knows but God) I get a bit confused when I read material that says it is a " need"  when talking to married people and a " desire" when speaking to singles. People are people whether married or not. I do accept that the only thing I really need is Christ and that needs that go "unmet" are given a special grace to endure, God meeting them as He knows is best for each of us.

I know the basics- keeping my mind from any stimulating music, movies, TV, magazines that might stir up thing. Putting the word of God in daily, worship continually,  constant ongoing communication with God through His spirit that lives in me, getting exercise daily, keeping my mind on task that focus me else where.

Also, re- trainning my mind, with God's help to overcome the natural lusts that create a desire for my mind to wander-and body to heat up unnecessarily.   These are great practices for any circumstance- married or not. Love for Jesus that constrains the desires.

Any other tips or ideas from singles to deaden the pulse of natural desire that comes from being human? Does it go away after a certain amount of time?  Twelve years , so far , its a momentary battle still- God does give me grace and maturity to deal with it, to come to Him to be my strength when I am weak, but no relief from it The only answer I have found is grace , and asking for Christ to fight the battle for me I can not fight.

I know God created us both individually unique in these things and ,at the same time,  also sharing common temptations.


Any more ideas would be helpful.
Thanks,
Rami

" For He who comes to God must believe that He is, and that He is a rewarder  of those who diligently seek Him.  Hebrews 11: 6

[Neverthebride]

I get a bit confused when I read material that says it is a " need"  when talking to married people and a " desire" when speaking to singles.

Bah, this kind of hypocrisy really makes me angry!!

Sorry Rami, I don't have a helpful answer for you.

[Rami]

Neverthebride:
Thanks for your honesty.
I was thinking last night as Jesus and I were having our two am discussions about this once again, that accepting the fact that there are some things I am not going to understand about the twists and turns( and long plateaus)

I keep hearing ," Trust and obey" in my spirit. I cry out, and He bottles all my tears, HE records them in His book, as HE writes our stories. I ask God, " What am supposed to do with this???"

 I do not know how this story , or even this Chapter ends. Aren't the very best stories full of long periods of trial ,  sacrifice and the unlikely twist at the end?

God and I , and many other singles, maybe you, are romantics. I am willing to wait for God's best choice, even if it means I choose to say no to some so - so opportunity , and they pass by, even if it kills my flesh- in fact, I think that is probably God's idea with me. I have always been a little too frisky- before I gave my life to Him. He knows the best way to get to me- right to my affection for men. I know he wants to be my First love, to know what belonging to Him means. The love above all others.

Any way, thanks anyway! One day at a time- one urge at a time, He is always there, and faithful.

" The Lord is nigh unto them that are of a broken heart: and saveth such as be of a contrite spirit."
My times are in thy Hand...

He knows how to write great love stories, being stuck in the middle of the book is difficult- faith gets me to turn the page, as day after day, I experience the details of His building the story of many levels. I don't see how all the facts fit together ..., yet.

But, this one thing I do know, God loves me. I matter to Him, and being single this long has grown me up in many ways.   He is all I have- and I wonder if I had a partner in my bed that I really adored, if I would talk to Him day and night?  Maybe God just wants to bond with me really well before he introduces the other part of the team?
I love being able to have a site where I can talk about this - without shame. Yeah!
Married people often have no idea what I am talking about.
I have filed this under, " Unsolved Mysteries" in my mind. It is not so mysteries that I don't know that God's purpose is to sanctify me, to cleanse my from all un right things- and accept His limitations on my life.

I put on a purity ring last February and it helps. I know I belong to Him , and it helps.

You know what neverthebride, what is it with the tag?

I want to step out here and say your God says,

" You are THE  bride"
and I know that sounds patronizing, but You shall be called, " Bride of the man God has chosen at the right time and place, and oh, won't that be so,  so good!" In fact, as I writing this, I am getting happy for you... and me.. Obeying , and waiting for God's moment to do His match maker deal is worth every price to pay now, for the delight later ..
God waits, and I am talking to myself here too-, God waits, that he may be
 GRACIOUS
to us in waiting! I know we want the right fit , the marriage that is a blessing and joy.  Not just anyone, but the one that spoons us just right! JI know God is smiling thinking about the gifts He is planning to give us, ust because He is working on it, and we don't see it, and He may be sending it to the Great tailor for proper fitting doesn't mean the dress is not coming.
    Have a great day,
Love,
Rami

[Neverthebride]

Thanks Rami for your uplifting response.
I will try not to rant too much as it would be counter-productive.    I just feel like I'm despairing (or giving up) right now.   

[Rami]

Please don't!!!

[Rx]

  H E L L O  E V E R Y O N E !!!


 ( Remind me if I promised not to post here,
 but after waiting in agony for the
 many sorely missed posters
 to return with a salutation,
 and after watching additional posters retreat,
 I decided there can be little loss in posting,
 and perhaps if I beg, we may hear from them after all:

 I need not name any, for every poster in the archives
 has left a gaping vaccuum unless they are identified
 and embrace the "body" here at least occationally. )

 Mental hugs to lurkers just the same.

 [Be advised Im not an adminstrator of any forums anywhere.]
 
  * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

 Cheers Rami.
( ACK ! I thot I was done parenthisizing!
 Alas, I was secretly wondering
 if your username is short for something.)

If the Isrealites should have learned anything
 from God in "biblical" times,
 it's that they are a " P E C U L I A R " people,
 a people "SET APART"  and made  holy
 for God's purposes, not their own,
 and that God always comes thru
 with  "SOMETHING NEW" among them...
 if they'd only step forward.

Need I continue?  In short,
 scripture is nothing if it doesnt demonstrate
 that we shouldn't look to the local crowd
 to set our standards for us.

 Infact the directive is one up from there.
 You have a mission, and I can certainly assure you
 its a MUCH higher mission than remarriage for
 way more than half of North Americas "singles".

It's not about waiting that's sure, except prayerfully for direction.

Among other things, it's about

 "Go ye."

Stand fast therefore in the liberty
 wherewith Christ hath made us free,
 and be not entangled again
 with the yoke of bondage.
 
 

[Rami]

I am praying for you.
May you be consumed with joy!
In Christ,
Rami

[Rx]

Might I note here to Fern:
the "reply button" gives the initial impression
it is 'disabled=disabled", until it becomes evident it is NOT a button,
but an anchor.

Might I slso note, the login screen forwords the logeee
to a blank void, which I ovkors know how to recuv ver frum,
being a devious cracker.

I am praying for you.
May you be consumed with joy!
In Christ,
Rami

I kid you not, your post speaks volumes,
(esp to someone hooz life gasps
the dark air of the shadows
 and exhales in fetid sewer of the Western World.)

Thanks for your prayers... VERY generous.

I percieve you are a resurrected woman,
and broken by many stripes.

I love those, who... can identify with our Master.

Alas, however, that seems to be a pinnical in the distance,
like the two ditches of a long straight gravel road,
as your crunching foot falls send dust and
wee beasties scurrying... and the air hisses and chides
against your face:

 Two souls, one tiny earth,
 basking in the radiance of one Savy Maker,
and only a little window here to peer darkly
for details of each other.

I feel like this is wallowing to most readers,
 but its intended as the sound of a trumpet;
and the trumpter wishes only to get the tune right,
 for what an insult to himself, if you notice him.

Indeed I have a feeling Jonah
 was mocked and much worse
before he sat down sceptically outside Nineveh.

I think his trumpet tune had become,
 to his ears,
a dry and icy wind that festidly badgers
only the unrelenting and unredeemable rock
at the desolate peaks of mountains.

I think his former failures were like iron hands
gripping at his throat
and I think his conviction was a ball of fire
that had finally become trapped in his belly
by satanic and unflinching capitalists.

And so he boarded a ship to get as far from Nineveh
as the open ocean would let.

And I think faithful bystanders prayed for him.
And I thank you for your prayers.
And I apologize for being vague.

Cheers and hugs.

 
 Oh Ship, Our Ship
 Press on
 and I shall bail.

 

[Rami]

Rx:

 Thanks for your post. It is quite interesting.
You brought up that bleached- out Jonah.

Jonah was a very interesting personality. He was self- righteous, and also wallowed in self- pity, yes. The prayers in the belly of the fish were pure and intense. What  conversations he had with God, and that we do in each of our situations. I love that we serve a God who listens and interacts with His people. He is able to , at any point, create fish, and direct them to swallow us up for a bit, until we stubborn ones get His drift.


  I know the culture we live in needs help- and for us as believers to stand our ground and not give in to the push and lures that constantly are baiting us to  to sell out. God's plan's are more important than our desire to get a Valentine's Day card, and satisfy our intimacy needs. Very , very  Good point. We do have an enemy that wants to get us stuck  fixated on what we aren't getting , and to use that to lure us to disobey God's right timing for the things in life that we desire. I have fallen for that a time or two and know that misery too well.

The slimy one has tried to get me curse God  and give up - but threatening God only makes Him pour on the love even more. He never lets go of the ones He loves. He is willing to teach us, train us , as we suffer. In the suffering , we find His peace, grace and hope that goes far beyond any thing we ask for that we think might fulfill us. Then, I learned , the hard way, He is the only One who can fulfill me.

  I know beyond culture,  my toughest battle is the one inside me I fight every day, with the shield of faith, the sword of the Spirit, the belt of Truth, the breastplate of righteousness, feet shod with the gospel of peace.
    It is my inner , natural longings that I must submit fully to God everyday. Ultimately, the choice is  HIS  to make in my life how each day goes. God is the only hope any of us has for anything good. He is the reward.

   Each person had a unique calling. Our main calling is to do the will of Christ- the best as we can discern each day step by step, whether or not he brings us a human companion or not.  We are called to put our old ways off, to disregard the pull of the flesh, to give God our mind, our hearts, our sex drives, everything- all. You are right.  Those things are best in His hands to do what correcting needs to be done. Thank you for the reminder.

  There is no false hope in Christ. He is the ultimate  hope. We live one day at a time, the best we can. All of our desires in His hand. What I love about Jesus , is that I can tell him anytime how I feel and he cares. I can trust that he takes my heart seriously, guards it jealously and has something particularly for me that in His perfect knowledge would make my heart sing. Sometimes we argue, but all good relationships of passion include disagreements. He , of course , is always right, but He is willing to engage- even though He well knows how limited and human I am. He, being human, tempted in ALL points as I, knows what being vulnerable, lonely, disappointed,ambitious , fearful, tired, lustful, all those things, and gives His Spirit to teach me to trust Him through these things, to be obedient. I know that ultimately He is more concerned with my character than my momentary happiness. I can trust a God who doesn't give into my whims.
He is willing that I hurt to win my heart to be fully His.  I am a romantic, like the God who made me, but have enough wisdom to know that I ask, and God answers according to His perfect knowledge of what is best for me.

  Paul said it so right on- I have learned, that whatsoever state I am in , there with to be content. That doesn't mean I don't have longings to talk over with Him. He gives me a fair hearing. He knows what I am really asking for behind the requests. He knows how to answer me according to His knowledge of my purpose. He gives me grace, and mercy, and the sense that He is with me and guiding me, so I can relax into His arms knowing I have been heard. I know at times, I am being a silly child with my requests. But, He is a good loving and perfect Father who knows all things, listens and intervenes accordingly. He also inspires my desires.

Thanks RX for your unique take on this. I have learned something. You are a full of flavor. I am so glad that You are a Christian and belong to Him. I am glad He choose you, and you choose Him.

 Thanks for apologizing for being vague. That was kind. Just because I don't understand, doesn't mean I don't appreciate the heart of a solider- willing to go all the way for His King.
   God uses everything. Even things that do not seem to be clear. Clarity begins with a redeemed heart after God to please Him above all things in or on the earth, in or outside of our being. Human understanding is so limited. Thanks for the reminder.

 I have been so refreshed, inspired , by your post.  Thank- you!

Trumpet on!
God makes no clones! God is so great above any words that can ever be spoken. I sing His praises above any sorrow, any pain, or confusion.

  Blessings,
Rami