prayer request

[celtic heart]

Hello all,

i have been away from this site for a really long time. my old user id was TR. over the past month or two i have revisited occasionally but finally felt the need to come back. i feel led to post a prayer request. i am struggling with being single and find myself in a season of my walk with God where i am in the valley. for such a long time i was content being single but due to some recent circumstances the need to be in a relationship has been reawakened and now i've lost my contentment being single.

without going into all the details let me just say that a few months back someone caught my eye and sparked an interest in me and an openess to dating again. i thought this was leading somewhere but about a month ago i found out he already has a girlfriend. i feel that this may have been nothing more than a flirtation that has blind sided me and its left me disappointed and frustrated and hurting from some old wounds and hurts that have been reopened. for the past few weeks i've been in a really downward spiral and find myself struggling every minute of the day. my reaction to all of this has led me to finally see that i need some outside help and i have come to the decision to seek counseling from a good christian counselor and i've also made an appt with my doctor to see about getting some prescription medication for depression and anxiety.

the red flag for me is that i was on vacation last week with my family. we went on a cruise to the caribbean and as i found myself surrounded by such beauty i still couldn't get past the brick wall that i feel i've hit. the first two days of the cruise were actually difficult due to being surrounded constantly by couples hugging,kissing,and holding hands. i wept constantly and had to turn away. the crying has continued even after i got back this week and that's the reason i feel i need to get some help for the depression. it comes and goes. there are times when i'm fine and then it hits me like a tidal wave again. it makes me think the depression may be either a chemical imbalance or possibly hormones since i have struggled with this off and on for the past several years. but now that i'm at rock bottom the time has come for me to do something about it.

the average person would be able to shrug this whole situation off and move on. i mean, so the person you're interested in already has someone. you can expect to be disappointed but manage to shake that kind of thing off. but its not the first time this has happened to me. two years ago a cousin of a friend acted like he was interested in me and when i reciprocated he dropped me and went back to his girlfriend.  i had just managed to get over that disappointment when this happens and i have went thru the whole gamut of emotions over the past month. i've felt anger,hurt,frustration,disappointment at contstantly meeting the wrong men or that they're not available and despair and hopelessness over what God's will for me is. and now, i just feel so empty and hollow on the inside. i need God's mercy and grace to fill me up again.

there is a verse in one of psalms where david says the he is "poor and needy". i feel this way. and i feel tired emotionally. i take hope in the fact that when we are walking in the valley it means the blessing is on the other side. but its hard and difficult right now. i'm surrounded by friends who are either engaged or dating and anything romantic such as movies or love songs make me wince with pain and hurt and ache on the inside. i live alone and its hard to come home everyday to an empty apartment and sometimes in the evening i get in my car and go for a ride with some music playing just to not stay home all evening by myself. i will make an effort to lean on my church family and a few select close friends because i know that's important when going thru difficulties. and i ask for your prayers as i seek counseling and help with some medication. i believe i'm making the right decision by getting help and pray that God brings me thru this stronger and healthier,

leaning on God's grace and mercy at this time

celtic heart

[KingDavidRetired]

Hi Celtic Heart,
Isn't loneliness such an anguished feeling?  It is filled with such torment and anguish, all surrounded with all encumbering of sorrows and pain, bringing someone to the very wrath of unhappiness.  I sure know how you feel in your feelings of loneliness and wanting someone to love.  I have been wanting someone to love ever since I was in the second grade and I still haven't found someone yet.  I spent many years yearning for love and companionship, longing for the touch of love and the feelings I so wanted to feel, that of affectionate love for someone.  I saw in myself someone with talent, attractiveness and someone who had several things going for himself.  However, nothing as far as love is concerned.   I could not understand it.   Still, the loneliness was severe. 

I have learned from a life of being alone and wanting not to be, though.  One of the things I have learned is that with all the tension of the feelings of loneliness and the sorrows associated with it, it has cause in me a lot of growth in terms of my depth of abilities.  I have found that people who are unhappy are more likely to be deeper thinkers than someone who has not had any problems with the tension of loneliness.  Loneliness causes personal growth that someone who is not lonely would not have. 

Another thing I have learned is that this is only this world.  We both very much have a promise and a hope of eternal life and that this life is not of much importance according to the Bible.  It says in Romans 8: 18-21, "For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worth comparing with the glory that is to be revealed to us.  For the creation was subjected to futility, not willingly, but because of him who subjected it, in hope, that the creation itself will be set free from its bondage to decay and obtain the freedom of the glory of the children of God."  This world is, as I am sure you know, only temporary.  Imagine how deeply we can suffer in this world and that it is not worth comparing to the glory of Heaven.  Imagine how the depth of the joy we will feel in Heaven will be when we get there.  Maybe this is one reason God doesn't do more to elevate suffering. 

I have also learned that in feeling lonely and in the suffering caused by it, it has brought me closer to God.  One of the reasons that God allows so much sufferings in this world is that suffering brings people closer to Him.   Perhaps your loneliness is something that will do just that.  It say in the Bible also in Romans 8, 8: 28, "And we know that for those who love God all things work together for Good, for those who are called according to his purpose."  Perhaps you purpose is not so much to be happy, but for other things.   I know my life is like that and it would seem that God's purpose for me is not that of happiness, but of the growth of a heart full of tension and stress.  You grow in the valleys, not at the peaks.  This is a religious fact as well as a psychological fact.  I have had plenty of valleys in my life and it shows in the abilities that I have grown to have in my life.  Perhaps a life of emotional tension is a purpose that God has for you.  A purpose that you will be well rewarded for, in not only this life, but the next. 

I have also learned that it is true that God will never put you though more than you can handle.  I have felt pretty bad in life, but never more than I could take.  If this was not true I would probably had killed myself sometime of another in my life, much so much for my loneliness.  Life can be very difficult and unhappy, and feelings of loneliness is one of the worst feelings anyone can have.  However, I have found that there is point to all this. 

I will pray for you, Celtic Heart.  I will not however pray less for your temporal life, but of your eternal life.  I will pray for your sanctification and your growth in Christ and that God will be with you.  I think this is where my prayers would be most effective.  I hope you take strength in the Bible and in the will of God, and not get too unhappy over your being alone.  It may not be very easy for you, but take courage in the fact that this life is only temporary and Heaven is forever.  And it is in eternal joy that will be of Heaven. 

[kb1583]

Hi Celtic Heart,
  My heart goes out to you because I am in the same boat as you. I pray everyday for a Godly girl to come my way but all the girls just want to go for the jerks (guys who brag about how much they drink, talk dirty, drive fast for no reason,etc.) I try so hard to treat women with respect but it seems women just don't like guys like me.

  One example that I am trying to get over is this: Recently there was this girl at work that I was attracted to. I was nervous to approach her. There is this other guy at work who is sort of a manger that also was interested in her. It seemed like she was interested in me and so I looked her way though I was scared out of my mind. Then one day I finally got up the courage to finally ask her out. She said yes then gave me her phone number. Well this guy was not to happy about this so he started this rumor about me. You see I started to realize a while back that it was wrong to stare and gwake at women because they are someones daughter someones sister. So I have been trying to stop that while other guys at the store stare all the time. Because I don't try to stare at women you can guess what he said about me. (Other guys in the store think the same way as he does because of this). Well he told her this false information about me. I called her the day after I got her phone number to plan a date and left a message. She never called back.

   I don't know how many times I have walked around my neighborhood asking God why when I am trying to serve Him bad things like this always happen to me. I could tell so many other times how I got turn down when the girl said that she "would" go out with me, or how these guys at work keep talking behind my back though I find out.  My heart aches and yearns for a girl that I can talk to, enjoy her company, walk together hand in hand, help me grow in the Lord Jesus and I her,etc. I pray that God would help me but no answer. There as been days where I get so frustrated, angry and bitter that I find that listening to hymns or Praise cds does not help. I have been trying to listen to sermons by Chip Ingram and Charles Stanley but sometimes that grows cold also.


  So I know exactly how you feel; every emotion that you wrote about I am feeling right now. I know this might help. I have been listening to Chip Ingram again and he is preaching on "Finding God When You Need Him Most"
 
http://www.livingontheedge.org/home/broadcasts/online_daily.php

I  realize even though I get angry and frustrated at God, I still run to Him because if I did turn my back on Him I would have no comfort. (One one of those walks while I was listening to my Hymn Cd I did feel His presence.) Also here is a video that I found when my sister was feeling down. Hope it helps.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SBk8eo_mHAw

[celtic heart]

thanks for all the responses. they are encouraging.

kb1583:

i have discussed my struggle with my pastor over the weekend and she has been very supportive and encouraging. i feel for you because i can see you have the same feelings and frustrations that a lot of us singles do. i know it has to sting and smart a little to put yourself out there and be disappointed but at lease we are doing something proactive and having the courage to put ourselves on someone's radar. that's something i couldn't have done a year ago or 2 years ago.

 its funny that you mentioned chip ingram. i listened to him all last week on that same sermon series and found it helped bolster me. i've come to like him a lot and plan on getting that series from his website. that's a God thing i believe that you would mention that.

i am taking it one day at a time, moment by moment. i find that its much easier for me to listen to my praise music right now than anything else. i feel like the way God seems to want to reach me right now is primarily thru music and encouraging messages on christian radio so i try to just sit back and receive and take it in. i talk to God alot when i have a few quiet moments and listen to my music and try to turn my face to Him and i do thank you both again for your encouragement.

celtic heart

[kb1583]

Hi Celtic heart,
   I am so glad you are doing better! For me it is getting easier also. I was sad because a few weeks ago a guy came to the store to visit her  (she works at a bank inside the store)  when it was about to close. Usually no one would be aloud to enter there but he was aloud in. Then I saw them walk out together so I asdumed it was her boyfriend. I was really said that night and early Friday morning. I went for a walk Friday morning and listened to Selah's Greatest Hymns. I listened to "Be Still My Soul/What a Friend we Have in Jesus" over and over again. At first I was really sad  and I was praying to Jesus on the inside to make the pain go away. By the end of the walk I felt so much better. (Jesus is really amazing). I realized that I had to pick myself up and move on.

   It still hurts to see her at work and hurts to be single sometimes but I must admit that I would not change the valley experiences at all. Those are the times that I feel really close to Jesus and I feel His presence. I would not change it for anything. I want you to know that I continue to pray for you. Remember that clouds usually have to give way for sunshine!

[celtic heart]

Hi kb1583:

how ironic that the girl you were interested in works at a bank inside that store. that was the same exact circumstance with the guy i was interested in. he also worked at a bank inside a store. there's no such things as coincidence is there? maybe that's why so much of what you've had to share resonates with me.

the crying jags have lessened for me in the sense that its only at night before bedtime that i get hit by feelings of lonliness and cry a bit. i started my first counseling session this week and already feel like a load has lightened due to a therapy technique that is helping to keep me focused on being more emotionally grounded. i feel a bit lighter already physically and emotionally. i'm just hanging on to the promise that weeping remains for a night but joy comes in the morning. God cares about our afflictions and difficulties and He is with us in the middle of them and thru them. I have a lot of hard work ahead of me.  God is the potter and we are the clay.

There are times when I've felt emotionally dead on the inside and empty. In our christian faith death leads to new life. this is a very basis truth to our faith.  Jesus's death on the cross led to resurrection for Him, and all who believe.  we follow in his footsteps as His disciples. That means He leds us sometimes in places we wouldn't choose to go because of the pain.

I believe that the fact that I feel emotionally numb is not a bad thing. God is putting to death some things in my life in order to do a new thing. to bring out newness of life and eternal fruit. and yes, it hurts to be in this place but there are things that i have turned to in the past to fill emotional voids and meet unmet needs instead of turning to God. I believe God is purging me on the inside so that I rely only on Him for my needs and to make me more spirtually and emotionally whole in mind, body, and spirit.

so, i'm just letting God have His way and letting Him bind up my hurts and trust Him in all things.