Mother's Day Blues

[Asister]

It was Mother's day yesterday. I was at a family gathering when my sister-in-law who I do not see eye to eye with says to my nephew, "pass out these roses only to the mothers". She said it right in front of me.  There was enough tension in the air without her having to rub it in my nose that I am NOT a mother. Why? Why does it hurt so much? It doesn't seem fair.  :'(

[Fern]

I think there are many women who share your pain, Asister. Sometimes I think these types of holidays cause more pain than joy, in the overall scope of things. Not just single women or married women who are unable to have a child, but also those who have lost a mother, or who were abandoned by a mother, or had a mother that didn't know how to love or care for them; women who have had abortions or miscarriages, or who gave their child up for adoption, or lost a child to death, or whose child grew up to disappoint them ... all are reminded of their pain on mother's day.

Mother's Day hurts so much because it's a reminder of your pain. And your sister-in-law's unkind act rubbed salt in that wound. Not only was it an unkind thing to do, it also wasn't very motherly. A good mother doesn't just love and nurture her own children, she loves and nurtures others, also.

I once heard a Mother's Day sermon in which the pastor explored all the wonderful things God created women to be -- not just mothers, but nurturers in all kinds of capacities and roles. He said that he hoped that every women there -- not just the mothers -- would leave church that day feeling great about being a woman whom God created.

I often think of that now on Mother's Day, and inwardly try to celebrate that fact, and commit myself once again to be the woman God created me to be.

Hold your head up, Asister. You don't need to be a mother to be held in high esteem by the God who created you. You just need to be faithful to Him, and faithful to what He has called YOU to be. He doesn't call every woman to be a mother, and your calling isn't any less than being a mother.

[Asister]

Fern, what you said was beautiful. I sometimes forget that God has given me the gift of my preschool students. In a way I am like a mother to them. I also have my niece and nephew who are like my own children. I need to be more greatful for these gifts. It's true, as women we have the special role of nurturing others. I guess my hurt had a lot to do with my sister-in-law's comment. She has a way of always reminding me what I lack. Thank you for your encouragement.

[Fern]

Are you familiar with the the Isaiah 54 passage?

"Sing, O barren, thou that didst not bear; break forth into singing, and cry aloud, thou that didst not travail with child: for more are the children of the desolate than the children of the married wife, saith the LORD."

I've seen this over and over where many childless women touch the lives of more children than most mothers do. Mothers have the opportunity of investing more deeply in a few, while childless women like yourself have the opportunity of investing in many children.

It's not just teachers who have this opportunity. "Children" can be spiritual children as well, of all ages.

I often look at mothers who get involved in their careers or so many other interests other than their children and I wonder that they so willingly bypass the opportunity handed to them. But then I have to ask the same question of myself: am I availing myself of all the opportunities God has given me?

[Asister]

Yes, Fern, I am very familiar with that passage. It is very comforting.  Your closing question as to whether we are availing ourselves of the opportunities given to us is a good reminder for us to be alert when God gives us those opportunities.  I can think of some recent and current opportunities which I need to attend to more carefully. I am very blessed by your insight. 

Peace,
Asister