Having had some online dating experience myself, I 2nd Hawk: If you're serious, go for it. (I could give you lots of personal tips/pointers if you want to contact me---I'll address this response to the issue of "to do, or not to do") As to doing it, or not, I've often wondered about one of the verses quoted a lot by singles (wonder what RX would say to this one)
"He who finds a wife finds a good thing, And obtains favor from the Lord."
(Proverbs 18:22)
Some have taken this verse, & focused on the "wife being a good thing;" others have talked about the favor from God one receives with marriage; One thing I have *NOT* heard a lot about, is the first part:
"He who FINDS a wife
If one desires to *FIND* something, what must one do???
The Bible itself, says, "SEEK, & you will find." [Matt 7:7]
While the Bible talks about waiting upon the Lord, & I believe that to be a good thing, nowhere that I know of, is it talking about it in connection with finding a mate.
My Bible *DOES* say though, that FAITH, w/o works, is DEAD.
That means I must have ACTIONS, that back up my WORDS.
If I say I want a mate, but I never SEEK one, my words don't match my actions, & I'm a hypocrite.
If you want an example, read about Ruth in the OT. SHE WENT *LOOKING* (!!!) FOR A HUSBAND!!! (& in this day of gender equality, I see no issue with a woman seeking a man, a mate is a mate is a MATE.)
REMEMBER, at the top, I said "if you're serious."
Johnny has a good & valid point:
"According to the bible married people will face hard times. Think carefuly about marriage its till the day you die."
As a Christian, marriage between Christians, is for *LIFE*.
If you've been single long enough, (I don't know your age, but, there is much merit in staying single long enough, until you can spell out in detail, what is important to you in a marriage, & in a partner.) then you know, that *SINGLES* face hard times ALSO. The *REALITY* is, whether you stay single, or get married, you *WILL* have hard times sooner, or later in this life. (ask any older person on this site---single, or married)
Here's the difference: With a *MATE*, you can go through them *TOGETHER* (one flesh, as the BIble calls it) but singles, often go through hard times, *ALONE*.
Let me respond to some things SarahLee said:
"Here is the problem with online dating. You're not getting a real picture of who this person is at all. " Online dating, is another method of dating. It has it's pros, & it's cons. (literally!) I have known women, in troubled marriages, & divorced (there *ARE* worse things than being single!) & I can tell you, upfront, PEOPLE CAN DECEIVE YOU. Online, in person, etc. Doesn't matter. These women would say, they *THOUGHT* they knew their husband (IN PERSON, NOT online!) & then after marriage, they found out they were wrong! THis is where waiting on God can help. JESUS is the TRUTH. HE can help you sort out the TRUTH, from the LIES. (don't be deceived, many calling themselves "CHRISTIAN" lie just as easily as those who don't.) Jesus said we will known them by their FRUITS. Do their actions match their words? (these things apply to both sexes!)
Talk *IN DEPTH* about a variety of topics (yes, it takes serious *WORK* to find a mate!) spend time with them in a variety of circumstances, & places.
Marriage is about more than "romance" (you won't find *THAT* word in the Bible!) IT TAKES WORK! If you aren't willing to do the work beforehand, don't expect to reap the results afterwords!!!
You can also simply this greatly: Define (IN DETAIL!) who you are, (what's important to you----beyond the physical) & WHAT YOU WANT (NEED, you won't get everything you want) in a mate. Make sure that's available in your online profile. (this is an edge people do *NOT* have in person. In person, we know *VERY* LITTLE about people we meet!
Also related to that: Make it a point up front, to emphasize OPENNESS, & HONESTY. If they will not agree & stick to that---let them go.
It's better to be single, than married to the wrong person.
Again, from Saralee:
"I finally ended the relationship because it became clear that marriage was not something he even had in mind. He was content with a long distance relationship. I, on the other hand, want a family and to be a wife and helpmate to a man that will love me all the way around, not just my mind!"
I'll repeat what I said above: YOU MUST KNOW WHAT YOU WANT, & what you want in a partner. Believe it or not, the *PHYSICAL* (so much emphasized by the world!) is secondary. Numerous studies have shown, if your *HEARTS* do not agree, a marriage will be miserable at best. [this is something you can find out LD, BEFORE you meet.]
If you want marriage & family, make sure he does too! (etc)
Here's another tip from reading SaraLee (things I already believe anyway, just using it as an illustration)
"When you do those ads, you're wanting to put on a good picture so that you'll be "picked" out of the hundreds of other ads."
*IGNORE* the picture. In fact, I'd encourage you to respond to guys *REGARDLESS* of whether they have a pic or not. READ THE PROFILE. If it doesn't sound like a man you'd want to spend the rest of your life with, or, at *LEAST* like a man you'd to get to know more, MOVE ON. If you don't match in the heart, the body won't matter. (SERIOUS!)
A comment on this:
"Plus we have to be honest, it's dangerous. " Is this a dangerous world??? DID they crucify JESUS, an INNOCENT man???!!!???
The answer to both questions, is YES.
I would *HIGHLY* discourage you from dating, until you are right with God, *AND*, willing to put *HIM* first, in any & all relationship. (not easy to do, take it from me!)
Once we have done THAT, the question now becomes:
Can God shut the mouths of LIONS???
(ask Daniel---the answer is YES)
Can God keep you safe, in a burning fiery furnace?
[read about it in the OT----the answer is YES]
I don't have time or space here, to address the issue of fear, but there are numerous Bible studies on it. Suffice it to say, that *IF* we truly fear God, we will not fear men (meaning man or woman) *BUT*, if we start out by fearing man (or women) then we're already in trouble.
BTW, "There is a fine line there of trusting that God will bring that person to you and you on the other hand forcing YOUR will upon a situation." IMHO, expecting God to do everything, is not Biblical, & not right, & trying to control everything, is also not Biblical, & not right. Both are extremes, & neither is the godly thing to do. *REAL* love, *** always allows choice. (that means, if they've never met you or talked to you, they certainly have no "CHOICE" of pursuing you (or you pursuing them) BUT, it ALSO means, that they may choose to end it, & walk away.
from SaraLee
"In the end, I would have to say that it is safer to wait upon the Lord for him to bring someone to you instead of actively "hunting" for someone. Now that could come through the internet but it would be even better if that someone came strolling through the doors of your home church!"
Here, I think a quote from her, would be appropriate:
"it's dangerous." [!!!]
Expecting the Lord to do ALL the work, is treating God like a heavenly vending machine, we pop in a few prayers, & out comes an answer!
WOW! If that isn't a deceptive & wrong view of God, I don't know what is!
WHAT do they that wait upon the Lord get? "They shall inherit the earth." (Psalms 37:9) "until that he have mercy upon us." (Psalms 123:2)
As part of worship, devotion, & intimacy with Him (God) (Isaiah 8, 40)
NO PROMISE IS EVERY MADE IN THE BIBLE, THAT THEY WHO WAIT UPON GOD WILL RECEIVE MATES! I know that's a nice thing to think, but don't be deceived, it's not TRUE!
It's a nice thing to think that everyone's a good person, but, ask SaraLee: There's plenty of bad people out there!
It's the *TRUTH* that sets us free, make no mistake.
RX has some good points about Sara's aunt. Marriage, is a give & take relationship. There will *ALWAYS* be things you don't like about your mate----ask *ANY* married couple! ALWAYS! The KEY (this is a repeat from above) is, before you start dumping your heart & soul into relationships, take *SERIOUS* thought, to mistakes & flaws that you can live WITH, & those that signal a red flag in a relationship.
Keep in mind, the men you date, will be sizing you up in the same way.
YES, it's *EASY* to pretend to be what we're *NOT*, but, the *REALITY* is, we *ALL* have flaws! Find someone who'll take about their flaws (& be willing to talk about your own) & whose flaws you can live with.
SL:
"When you're creating a profile for one of those places you greatly emphasize yourself to where you sound awesome because you want people to notice your ad above another persons. It's very competitive. "
THIS is where your big mistake is, NOT in not waiting upon God.What did Jesus say??? "Let your YES be YES, & your NO, NO."
If you cannot, & are not, willing to do that yourself, & expect it from someone else (NORMAL, for a true Christian!) then you're better off not dating---online, or off. [remember the HONESTY, OPENNESS?]
"I hate being sngle, absolutely hate it."----SL, you're not *REALLY* waiting upon the Lord. Paul (who's been through more than most of us!) said he had learned to be content, in *ANY* situation!
(he was single too, btw. At least, at that point in his life)
Ecclesiastes assures us, that there is a "TIME for every season." That means, that, for many of us, there is a TIME for being single, & a TIME for marriage. Our goal, should be to make the *BEST* of both times!
NOT that I am against "seeking" (see above) BUT, that our objective needs to be, developing intimacy with GOD, & putting developing intimacy with the opposite sex, a distant 2nd. That's what "waiting upon the Lord" is all about!
